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Family Guy Funny Quotes Biography

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Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

I'd like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior. Peter: Wow, just like that show Big Brother...except somebodyll be watching.

Good, I dont have to cook. Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and well throw it out. I dont want you to get rusty.

Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.

When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I dont know math.

It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is green.

All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die.
Ive sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, I'm up to 11.

I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes!

Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!

Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog.

You know, I rather like this God fellow. Hes very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that.

I will not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans! You shall rue this day!... Well, go on, start ruing!

Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so much that I want to kill her, its just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Dear diary: Jackpot. -Glen Quagmire

And Joe, Ive had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since youre half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I cant even measure.

Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my diaper, and its not a toaster.

Guns dont kill people; dangerous minorities do. -Gun-rights advocate

I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver medal.

Whats this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G... Oh, thats better than sex!

Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet?

Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.

Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin

Im so hungry I could ride a horse. I dont get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess.

I think the lesson here is, it really doesnt matter where youre from, as long as were all the same religion.

Chris: Hey, little dude, you want some ice cream? Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you...

Peter: Cant we tell them that your mother died? Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that. Peter: All right, all right, Ill kill your mother.

Lois: Peter, why would they make you president? Peter: Maybe its because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...RARF! Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.

Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: Sixteen. Quagmire: Eighteen? Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I Like where this is goin!

: What the hell is this? Lois: Sweetie, thats tuna salad. Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.

Excuse me, Mayor West? Adam West: How do you know my language?

Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead. Brian: Is it just me or is rap getting lazier?

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Brian Griffin: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.

If you're a kid wanting to be a cartoonist today, and you're looking at Family Guy, you don't have to aim very high.

You can draw Family Guy when you're 10 years old. You don't have to get any better than that to become a professional cartoonist. The standards are extremely low.

I have heard nothing from my friends at The Family Guy. Yeah, I heard that they got picked up again and all that good stuff, but I haven't heard anything yet. But, you know, I'm very elusive and hard to contact.

I'm always amazed when someone tells me they've listened to the Family Guy commentary, like, Really? You could honestly sit through that?

Aside from Family Guy? I spent most of my career-life on Family Guy. It's a good question. Since Family Guy was my first show, my first original property, and I just finished it...I couldn't tell ya. I don't know that I have an answer

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Family Guy Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Family Guy Funny Quotes Biography