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Funny Mom Quotes Biography

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"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."

"My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia."

"I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to."

"Nobody loves me but my mother,

And she could be jivin' too."

"If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay."

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."

"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."

"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after."

"The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing."

"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."

"Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

"My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up."

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."

"I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.' I said, 'But I don't know how.' She said, 'It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.' So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said 'I thought I told you to go to sleep.'

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

"It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely. But the desire to beget children is a natural urge."

"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

"My mother never breast fed me; she told me she only liked me as a friend."

"My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh."

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

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Funny Mom Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Funny Mom Quotes Biography