Funny Quotes and Sayings Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Funny Quotes and Sayings Biography

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If you ran as much as you run your mouth, you would be in great shape.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

say milk gives u strength. Drink three glasses and try moving a wall. You can't. Drink three shots of vodka and it moves all by itself.

You can see your breath.

You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.

Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.

Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.

Congressional hot air freezes.

You plan a two week hot bath.

Canadians put on sweaters.

Too cold to think.

Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

Hell freezes over.

Polar bears move South.

Only people like "Ed" and "Bob" have enough time to write their names in the snow.

I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that it's going to drop to zero tonight. The good news is that my air conditioner is working again!

The steam off of my head created a war between two Indian villages.

The hookers downtown are charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands.

The snowman begs you to take him inside at night.

If my thermometer had been an inch longer, I would have frozen to death.

Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.

When I put on my coat to take out the garbage it didn't want to go!

It's so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.

It was so cold that the Statue of Liberty put the torch INSIDE her dress.

It was so cold the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets...

I'm not trying to be funny, but are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability? -Ron Burgundy

This weather is almost colder than my heart.

That's why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer!

That awkward moment when your crush is absent from school, and you wasted a really cute outfit.

My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013, which I should have done in 2012, because I promised them in 2011 and planned them in 2010.

I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because I am still looking for ideas.

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.

If anyone ever breaks your heart, just remember they are only human and you can break their body.

How am I supposed to grow up and make life choices when I still use my fingers to count, and I still sing the whole alphabet to find out which letter comes next.

There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side, which is still my side!

Ways to die: steal my food, touch me, look through my phone.

Tomorrow is the first blank page of 365 page of book. So write a good one.

PossibleTomorrow is the first blank page of 365 page of book. So write a good one.

People say there is no difference between complete & finish. When you marry the right one, you are complete, and when you marry the wrong one, you are finished and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished.

Its funny how some distance makes everything seem small; And the fears that once controlled me cant get to me at all.

I can't wait to be married. It's going to be so great to find that one special person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.

Home isn't where the heart is, home is a place you go where they are obligated to let you in.

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV, and taking naps!

I'm not a bad student, my study breaks are just longer than my study time!

That awkward moment when your mom thinks you have an attitude, when all you did was answer her question.

Brace yourself, random 'Merry Christmas' texts are coming.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a...SORRY.

Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

Those who work hard are rewarded with more work!

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Funny Quotes and Sayings Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Funny Quotes and Sayings Biography