Great Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Great Funny Quotes Biography

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“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”

“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”

“Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.”

“If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.”

“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”

“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”

“It's been nice knowing you, Clara,

Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.

Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin.

Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me”

“I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.”

“What the heck kind of name was Sir?”

“Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.”

“When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.”

“Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?”

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”

“Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?”

“My God, no wonder people like being tied up.”

“If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>”

“Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.”

“Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.

She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.”

"Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”

“Love is relentless, and so am I ;)”

“You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.”

“Oh my, you big stud, your dancing boobs have enchanted me with your hypnotic sexual magnitudeness.”

“Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three.....and so on.

Nesta”

"It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.”

“The na at the end of banana annoys me as much as it would you if it were bananana.”

"It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.”

"If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.”

"Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!”

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Great Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Great Funny Quotes Biography